Wisdom-Toothless Wisdom?

There are four wisdom teeth less of me!

I'm sick of foods you can't chew and television, but the hot summer has taken over.. Our farm looks like the desert. Hopefully, by the time I'm well, the drought will be over, and we can get back to riding and enjoying the summer!

Instead of teaching this week, my chipmunked self has been watching trashy reality shows like Dance Moms and Cheer Perfection. (And less trashy, amazing shows like Nadia G's Bitchin' Kitchen and Arrested Development. I've got some taste!)

While the parenting on the show is highly questionable, it did get me thinking about all the mom and daughter duos I've seen through riding. In America, this duo is a staple at horse shows and barns.

And what makes a successful one?

The most successful mom and daughters that I've seen in riding all share a similar trait. Sacrifice. Time, money, other sports.. Many times marriages, but I wouldn't count that on the successful side. However, the fact of the matter is that to succeed in horses or anything, you make sacrifices.

And for a sport that almost demands you begin at an early age to do anything more than 'recreational' riding, it requires parental sacrifice too. The mom who gets their kid to the barn, supports them in lessons and language, is the mom whose kid stands a shot.

This doesn't mean living through your kid. It means you recognize what they love and you help them to succeed. It also doesn't mean you don't push. You have to push your kids a little, as does the trainer. The trainer and parent who don't push and still expect more from their kid put too much pressure on the child.

That sounds silly. Let me explain. Children must be taught to look at the big picture; they will not always want to ride. Basketball players do not always want to play basketball. Swimmers do not always want to swim. If you don't teach your children to fight through this, they will not be successful. It's human nature to want to quit when things get hard or when you don't feel like it, but pushing through that is the difference between mediocrity and greatness. And it starts with you, the parent. A child will not and cannot learn this lesson on his or her own.

Now, how does that put more pressure on the child? I'm a living example of this. My mother constantly reminded me that she would not push me. I did not have trainers that pushed me, save for one in my middle teens that I took from sporadically due to distance and money (Sacrifices that were well worth it). When all the 'pushing to succeed' has to come from a young person, all the pressure of failing falls on their shoulders too.

That's a lot of pressure.

Some children take this and turn it into something great. Most don't.

Most, like me, end up looking back and feeling ashamed of the things they did not accomplish through their sport. And it all falls to me; I am what I am in my sport because of me. And now, after years of being allowed to stop when the going gets tough, it's an even harder cycle to break. That's a lot of pressure, built up over many years. It's caused discourse between my mother and I; it's caused personal struggles spilling beyond my riding.

This is not blaming my mother or my trainers. This is a observation I've seen through my time as a trainer and a rider. It is not a phenomenon unique to me.

Push your children, not for yourself but for them. Make some sacrifices; get excited about their riding. Be proud of them. If they are happy about a goal, you should be 100x happier for them.

Don't be the parent that never sees their child ride, the parent who doesn't understand why cantering is a big deal, the parent who gives up on her kid's show dreams because of one off-day.

Please, please, please be more supportive than a stick-on bra.

Love,
Girl

P.S. Thank you to my mom and my trainers. They were very supportive, if not pushy. And my parents for sacrificing a lot. I'm sorry I didn't do more.