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Survivor Week

>> Thursday, June 28, 2012

Whoaaa.

You said you would post every Monday, all summer?!

Um, well, boys and girls.. Just trying to do my civil duty and teach you that everything takes longer than you expect. Now you're prepared for the revenue office!

Just kidding, no one's prepared for the revenue office, so I don't go. Whoops.

Anywho.

This past couple of weeks have been killer for me, and I can't seem to get my feet underneath me. I spent the night in the barn which was as tragic as i'd imagined it. Then it was off to lifeguard at a pool party, sleep like I was dead, and launch into a housesitting job.

Which wouldn't be shabby, but my parents left for their anniversary on Tuesday.
I'm exhausted.

Today involved a carbon monoxide alarm, a trip to the horse vet's (everything was fine), a flat tire, a missing cat, a now neutered dog, and my now raging allergies.

Yay. Whine!

More when I get the chance.

- girl

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I Don't Have ADD, I was Just Thinking About My Outside Rein

>> Thursday, June 21, 2012

I like that.....
My Littles doodle dressage rings on the back of their spelling tests.
My horses are patient but not perfect.
The chickens' barn time has been severely limited.
Feeling I get when a Little trots a diagonal to me for the first time.
I have less fear of my abilities as a rider now.
I don't live in a camper.
I have long hair, don't care.
We're going to shows now!
4 hours at the barn feels like 40 minutes.
The Littles are all almost independent. So, I can chillax inbetween lessons.
My life has the people and ponies it has in it now.

I dislike that..
I ran out of melatonin and clean breeches today.

Not cool.

Ride on, boys and girls.

--girl

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Of Ponies and People (and Long Walks Home)

>> Monday, June 18, 2012

It was a dark and stormy night...

Okay. No.

It was a Saturday afternoon, and the sun was out. It was one of those days that seemed to ooze perfection; the sun dripping energy into every cell and the wind breathing them to life. I had just made the hour and a half drive home, slept for twelve glorious hours, and was geared up to ride more ponies.
Because, you know, working students don't have enough to do.

I caught old faithful Chunky, an appendix who we bought after a trip to Tractor Supply. (Talk about impulse buy..) He's not much to look at, and he looks better than he rides. But Chunk's got something going for him: You could tie a peacock to him, take him to a screamo concert, and let Charlie Sheen rope rabid reindeer off him, and he'd still look somewhat drowsy and unimpressed.

In other words, he's a saint.
But every saint was once a sinner.
And Saint Chunk was bad, bad pony.

We tore off into that day, galloping through fields and up hills and around hay bales. Now, when I say we tore off, you must understand that Chunk doesn't 'tear off' anywhere faster than a 1950's tractor. But that's okay because he makes me feel invincible.

...... Wait.
I'm already teenaged.
And invincible, right?
So, he makes me feel like I'm invincible, times 10000000.
......
You see where this is headed?

He pushed through the grass, snaking his nose out to grab some as I plucked the furry tips off the ready-to-be-cut grass. The fur on his neck was already stiff with fresh sweat, The back of my tee shirt clung to my skin. And it felt like heaven. My feet dangled from the stirrups, and my reins looped as we meandered through some hay field, a pair of lost but nontragic Steinbeck characters. (But as all Steinbeck tales, tragedy would strike. No worries though; no ponies were harmed in the making of this story.
Just my ego.)

He snorted, which I interpreted as an indication of his relaxation. (In hindsight, he probably had something up his nose.) I took this relaxation as a sign we should head to the creek.

Younger, more irresponsible Me spent tons of time wading through said creek. Splashing friends, swimming. So, responsible Me would have NO trouble.

Right?!?

And of course, I didn't. Because as previously stated, Chunk is a saint and I grew up in them there backwaters. (.. Yes, people talk like that where I'm from. I seen it with my own eyes!)

I crossed the creek and hopped off my horse, who stood still as a statue while I stripped off my tall boots and crash through the water like a labrador retriever. He calmly munched the grass on the bank as I played and complied when I hopped back up to ride him down the creek. When we returned, damp and dosed up on summer, he closed his eyes while I dried my toes and tugged on my socks and shoes.

I stood up from the bank and wrapped my fingers loosely around his rein.

You would have guessed I was an electric eel.

He sprung to life, splashing across the creek. The water soaked me again; he hit the surface like a 400 pound man belly-flopping. (Approximately.) I stood dumbfounded, watching my ride peel across ground at a speed I thought only NASCAR drivers could accomplish.

When he hit the other side of the bank and the first thundering stride struck the ground, my senses returned to me.

I was stranded.
On the wrong side of the creek.
A half hour from home.
With no cell phone.
Watching my horse gallop away from me.
Toward an open gate.
And a somewhat busy road.

I yelled after him, knowing it was no good. My yells turned to curses as I watched his fat bay butt disappear beyond the tree line. I could still hear his gallop minutes later, and I swear I could feel it in my bones for much longer.

Swallowing my pride, I removed my boots once more and sloshed across creek. My tall boots cried when I stuffed my soaked feet back into them. (I heard them.) It wasn't an option though. Crossing into the hay field, I realized it was up to my waist, and it still was a struggle not to be taken on barefoot.

He was gone. The only trace of him was a path cut haphazardly across the field that I followed with the diligence of the old trackers.

I don't know how long it took me, but by the time I emerged from that god-forsaken hay pasture, climbed the hills we'd galloped, and panted against the hay bales we'd dodged (Oh, Southern summers), I was covered in burrs and stickers, sweat and disgust.

I learned later that my pony had arrived home long before me. He had galloped his way home without a single detour or spook and had let himself into a stall, where we found him eating hay with a non-plussed expression.

And me?
I smelled like the creature from the black lagoon for a week.
Nothing new, I guess.

--Girl

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Girl's Perfect Guy, according to the Littles

>> Thursday, June 14, 2012

This is what I heard from my backseat.

"You need a more handsomer man."
"And one that's not old!"
"And a lot more handsomer."
"Yeah! With a million dollars!"
"No, a billion!"
"A trillion!"
"A ka-jillion!"
"But he has to want to spend it all on your horse."
"Not his horse. YOUR horse."
"And he has to be nice! And like your horse too!"
"And dogs."
"And cats."
"And he's gotta love you."
"He has to make you feel like he's The One."

So, if anyone knows a single ka-jillionare who is nice and would like to spend all his money on my horse habit, please point him in my directions.

(I did ask them, "What if he's poor but he makes me feel like he's the One?"
And they both cried in unison, "Go for it!"
... Of course, they told me I had to be married before they were 13 so they could be flower girls without being tacky.
Clock's ticking, folks.)

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Dr. Strangelove or How I Stop Worrying and Loved the.. Embarrassment?

There's one not-so cute aspect to kids and ponies.

Whereas most polite human beings like to keep their 'wobbly bits' (Bridget Jones Diary, yay!) locked and loaded, our equine pals like to let it all hang out.
Literally.

I cannot count how many times I've heard. "Is that his..??"
Cue the big eyes and flustered trainer.
Well, not so flustered anymore. After the trillionth time, you simply nod and explain that pony is relaxed.

Now, having gotten this out of the way, let's jump ahead.

It was just a normal day, and I was rushing off to some appointment, late. As I cruised down our dirt road, I passed a little brown dog. He was collarless and skinny, and when I stopped the car, he came bounding to me as if he were Kayne West and I was some blonde chick getting an award I didn't deserve. It was love at first sight. Truly.

But because my parents are already taking care of their grandkitties and granddogs (only one is mine!), I promised myself that I would wait an hour or two before I picked him up.

I tore myself away as he wiggled into the bushes and immediately called the more lenient parent.

"Dad, there's a puppy and he's, like, super cute and skinny and stuff and.. Please?"
"Of course! Poor puppy.."

(I revert to teenagese when I want/need something or am about to do something my mother will dislike..) I don't remember my conversation with my mother, but I'm 90% sure it went like this...

"Mom, there's a do-"
"No."
"But he's so cu-"
"No."
"But he-"
"When you have your own house, you can have as many animals as you want."
Click.

Contrary to popular belief, I do not bring home ALL animals. Just dying kittens and starving pit bulls and.. Well, little brown dogs.

Whoops?

I picked up two of my Littles during my two hour "no dog" time. (Practically a day in dog years.) They were my first Littles, the ones I cried over leaving when I had to go to college because, of course, no one could love and teach them like I could.
The same has been thought about my growing zoo of cats and dogs that nobody else wanted.
(Remind me to videotape the first time I drop off my first kid to his/her first daycare.)

"I saw a dog, and I'm thinking about picking it up." I said casually to the only people who would share my enthusiasm and inability to plan too far into the future.
Lots of excited screaming and an ungodly amount of questions about the dog that I couldn't answer followed.

"Is he nice?"
"Uh.. I hope so?"
"Does he like kids?"
"He didn't say."
"Are you going to keep him?"
"........."

When we returned, the little dog was curled up in the grass as if waiting for us. When he saw me, his tail started wagging. I mean, c'mon. It was meant to be. We picked him up and hauled him off to the vet to make sure he didn't have anything contagious except for lovability. (I saw that eyeroll, Mom.)

Where we waited for what felt like forever.
Where the girls became more and more hyper.

They weighed themselves on the dog scale. They quizzed the receptionist. They jumped; they giggled; they harassed the clinic kitten. One of the girls' dogs had just been neutered, and she proudly proclaimed. "My dog got his tentacles removed here!"

They finally put us in a room.

Tick littered the floor and the exam tables, and after a squishing a few and squealing loud enough to burst my ear drums, the girls began to stand on the chairs. While keeping one hand on the dog, I reached back to swat them down. My voice hit the exasperated mother sound, half-human half-scary-but-slightly-drugged-alien, which is frankly quite terrifying when it comes from your own mouth. "Get down from there!"

Right as the vet walked in.
Right as I realized this was not my vet.
This was a new vet, and he was young. And he didn't look weird or sketchy which makes you an 8 or a 9 atleast in this small town.

The girls settled down somewhat. (Remaining on the chairs after they apologized profusely to the vet for squishing ticks on the floor.)

As the exam went on, the brown dog began to get nervous, and as with many young boy puppies, he made it apparent.

"He must be REALLY relaxed, Miss Girl." One of the Littles stated.

My face turned bright red, and I thanked Jesus, Buddha, and science when she didn't elaborate.

And that is the story of why I can't go anywhere with the Littles without duct tape and a little bit of fear.
And how we found Marvin.

(Later, the girls made me a list of qualities my future husband needs.. I will post it later.)

--Girl

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A Letter to Two of My Biggest Supporters

>> Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Dear Thighs,

You. Yes, you.

Now, I know you aren't worthless. When I run/walk/pant 3 or 4 miles, you guys are right there on board. You don't moan. You don't scream. You don't beg for forgiveness. (Okay.. Maybe I'm doing all of that too loud to hear you... Maybe.) But when I ask you to trot without stirrups or, hell, trot for longer than 30 minutes... All of a sudden, you give up and leave me walking bow-legged.

I'm not cool enough to walk bow-legged, Thighs.
My nails are painted red, for God's sake, and I've never come close to winning my own belt buckle.

(I have, however, herded cattle in my jumping saddle. I don't think that puts me to the level of John Wayne.)

I hopped off my second and last pony today, and you two turned to.. Not jello. Jello can maintain shape.
I was not graceful or lovely, as Dressage riders should be (.. right?), and I'm glad none of the Littles watched me cringe as I toddled up to the barn.

And you knew this wasn't the days of working student-dom (-doom?). We still had Cows to catch and Littles to longe. As I stood there with my knees locked, leaning on an equally exhausted pony, I wondered if you were trying to warn me of something.. Some aspect to riding I had forgotten in my college journeys.

Then I realized that post-ride perfume.
And I was unsure if it came from the pony..
Or me.

Dressage is so glamorous.
Thanks for the reminder, Thighs.

Love,
Girl



Dear Girl,

Maybe if you actually did crunches, we would not have to compensate for your weak Core.

Sincerely,
Thighs

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Girl, age 13. Horse, age.. A couple days?

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