Ten Things You Need to Know About Your Chestnut Thoroughbred Mare

When I was about thirteen, I remember telling my mom with absolute certainty that I would NEVER ever own a chestnut Thoroughbred mare again.

Uh.

Sorry, thirteen year old self.

I've owned three. (Two for the moment, though all three are still on the farm..)

And over time, I've figured out the ten rules for getting along with your chestnut Thoroughbred mare...

1. You are only interesting when you come bearing treats, grain, hay, or some device to rub her with (curry combs, rub rags, long fingernails..)
   
2. Ask nicely and don't mess up her schedule or be prepared to suffer through crankiness for any small thing you ask for afterward.
   
3. NEVER under ANY circumstances forget what a beautiful, glorious creature she is and how incredibly lucky you are to be in her presence.
   
4. If you do happen to break #3 (and you will), you will be bucked off, bitten, stepped on, run over, or otherwise maimed within the next week to remind you of who exactly wears the pants in your relationship (and God help you if you mention she looks fat in them..).
   
5. Once a month, you might want to skip the riding. Unless, of course, you like the taste of dirt. Instead, I recommend massages with rub rags, bathes, and cookies. Lots of cookies.
   
6. Your chestnut Thoroughbred mare wants you to learn and grow.. That's why she balks at the trailer or tests the walls of her stall. Not only will it broaden your inventiveness but also your vocabulary!
   
7. She will paw, and no, it's not out of boredom. She's simply trying to remind you to be time savvy and hurry the hell up.
   
8. When she's ready to go, she's ready to go. So stop screwing around and get to it before you make her even crankier.
   
9. Her preferred pasture mates are other chestnut Thoroughbred mares, but if none are available, she will settle for doting geldings.
   
10. She loves you. No, really, she does. And once in a blue moon, she will look at you with soft eyes and floppy eyes. She'll lick you shoulder or nuzzle your fingers, and you'll know.

Well, it's either love or she needs a new salt block.

-- Girl

from top to bottom: Girl, 11 or 12, and Cow. Girl, 16 or 17, on Chunky and ponying Miss Manners. Girl, 15, and Barbie. Girl, 11 or 12, and Cow.