Dr. Strangelove or How I Stop Worrying and Loved the.. Embarrassment?

There's one not-so cute aspect to kids and ponies.

Whereas most polite human beings like to keep their 'wobbly bits' (Bridget Jones Diary, yay!) locked and loaded, our equine pals like to let it all hang out.
Literally.

I cannot count how many times I've heard. "Is that his..??"
Cue the big eyes and flustered trainer.
Well, not so flustered anymore. After the trillionth time, you simply nod and explain that pony is relaxed.

Now, having gotten this out of the way, let's jump ahead.

It was just a normal day, and I was rushing off to some appointment, late. As I cruised down our dirt road, I passed a little brown dog. He was collarless and skinny, and when I stopped the car, he came bounding to me as if he were Kayne West and I was some blonde chick getting an award I didn't deserve. It was love at first sight. Truly.

But because my parents are already taking care of their grandkitties and granddogs (only one is mine!), I promised myself that I would wait an hour or two before I picked him up.

I tore myself away as he wiggled into the bushes and immediately called the more lenient parent.

"Dad, there's a puppy and he's, like, super cute and skinny and stuff and.. Please?"
"Of course! Poor puppy.."

(I revert to teenagese when I want/need something or am about to do something my mother will dislike..) I don't remember my conversation with my mother, but I'm 90% sure it went like this...

"Mom, there's a do-"
"No."
"But he's so cu-"
"No."
"But he-"
"When you have your own house, you can have as many animals as you want."
Click.

Contrary to popular belief, I do not bring home ALL animals. Just dying kittens and starving pit bulls and.. Well, little brown dogs.

Whoops?

I picked up two of my Littles during my two hour "no dog" time. (Practically a day in dog years.) They were my first Littles, the ones I cried over leaving when I had to go to college because, of course, no one could love and teach them like I could.
The same has been thought about my growing zoo of cats and dogs that nobody else wanted.
(Remind me to videotape the first time I drop off my first kid to his/her first daycare.)

"I saw a dog, and I'm thinking about picking it up." I said casually to the only people who would share my enthusiasm and inability to plan too far into the future.
Lots of excited screaming and an ungodly amount of questions about the dog that I couldn't answer followed.

"Is he nice?"
"Uh.. I hope so?"
"Does he like kids?"
"He didn't say."
"Are you going to keep him?"
"........."

When we returned, the little dog was curled up in the grass as if waiting for us. When he saw me, his tail started wagging. I mean, c'mon. It was meant to be. We picked him up and hauled him off to the vet to make sure he didn't have anything contagious except for lovability. (I saw that eyeroll, Mom.)

Where we waited for what felt like forever.
Where the girls became more and more hyper.

They weighed themselves on the dog scale. They quizzed the receptionist. They jumped; they giggled; they harassed the clinic kitten. One of the girls' dogs had just been neutered, and she proudly proclaimed. "My dog got his tentacles removed here!"

They finally put us in a room.

Tick littered the floor and the exam tables, and after a squishing a few and squealing loud enough to burst my ear drums, the girls began to stand on the chairs. While keeping one hand on the dog, I reached back to swat them down. My voice hit the exasperated mother sound, half-human half-scary-but-slightly-drugged-alien, which is frankly quite terrifying when it comes from your own mouth. "Get down from there!"

Right as the vet walked in.
Right as I realized this was not my vet.
This was a new vet, and he was young. And he didn't look weird or sketchy which makes you an 8 or a 9 atleast in this small town.

The girls settled down somewhat. (Remaining on the chairs after they apologized profusely to the vet for squishing ticks on the floor.)

As the exam went on, the brown dog began to get nervous, and as with many young boy puppies, he made it apparent.

"He must be REALLY relaxed, Miss Girl." One of the Littles stated.

My face turned bright red, and I thanked Jesus, Buddha, and science when she didn't elaborate.

And that is the story of why I can't go anywhere with the Littles without duct tape and a little bit of fear.
And how we found Marvin.

(Later, the girls made me a list of qualities my future husband needs.. I will post it later.)

--Girl